I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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