I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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