he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
