I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
