I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
