i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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