Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
