I met the friendliest cop last night
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
