bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
