Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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