Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
