that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
