Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
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