I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
