you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
