wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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