Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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