I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
