Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize