I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
