I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
