So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Randomize
