Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
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