he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Randomize
