i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
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