I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
