that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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