like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She bit a glass in half.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
