remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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