the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
