i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize