hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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