do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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