I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Two words: nipple clamps
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