Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm both gender and math confused
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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