ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
