good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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