So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm gonna fight the coyote
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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