You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
