You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
