Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It's just like the Real World with babies
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
