chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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