dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
