dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
