I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
