I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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