he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
