Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He shit in the fireplace
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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