Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
