her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
