Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
