bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
