real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
