just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
