nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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