my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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